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Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

    Time Event
    12:22a
    I heard the steely sound of the knife coming out...
    I heard the steely sound of the knife coming out of the sheath
    “You want to do it?”
    He inhaled sharply
    I took the ugly knifeIt had a heavy handle and was very sharp; it came to a tapered point at the
    tip
    I didn't let myself think about itI didn't want to give myself a chance to be a cowardThe arm,
    not the leg–that's all I paused to decideMy knees were scarredI didn't want to have to hide
    that, too
    I held my left arm out; my hand was shakingI braced it against the door and then twisted my
    head so that I could bite down on the headrestI held the tiffany canada knife's handle awkwardly but tightly
    in my right handI pressed the point against the skin of my forearm so I wouldn't missThen I
    closed my eyes
    Jared was breathing too hardI had to be fast or he would stop me
    Just pretend it's a shovel opening the ground,I told myself
    I jammed the knife into my arm
    The headrest muffled my scream, but it was still too loudThe knife fell from my hand–jerking
    sickeningly out from the muscle–and then clunked against the floor
    “Wanda!” Jared rasped
    I couldn't answer yetI tried to choke back the other screams I felt miu miu nappa comingI'd been right not to
    do this before driving
    “Let me see!”
    “Stay there,” I gasped
    I heard the blanket rustling behind me despite my warningI pulled my left arm against my body
    and yanked the door open with my right handJared's hand brushed my back as I half fell out the
    doorIt wasn't a restraint
    “I'll be right back,” I coughed out, and then I kicked the door shut behind me
    I stumbled across the lot, fighting nausea and panicThey seemed to balance each other
    out–one keeping the other from taking control of my bodyThe pain wasn't too bad–or chanel handbags on sale rather, I
    couldn't feel it as much anymoreI was going into shockToo many kinds of pain, too close
    togetherHot liquid rolled down my fingers and dripped to the pavementI wondered if I could
    move those fingers
    The woman behind the reception desk–middle-aged, with dark chocolate skin and a few silver
    threads in her black hair–jumped to her feet when I lurched through the automatic doors
    “Oh, no! Oh, dear!” She grabbed a microphone, and her next words echoed from the ceiling,
    magnified“Healer Knits! I need you in reception! This is an emergency!”
    “No I vintage hermes tried to speak calmly, but I swayed in place
    She put the microphone down and hurried around to where I stood swayingHer arm went
    around my waist
    “Oh, honey, what happened to you?”
    “So careless,” I muttered I fell down the rocksI was… cleaning up after
    dinnerA knife was in my hand”
    My hesitations seemed like part of the shock to herShe didn't look at me with suspicion–or
    humor, the way Ian sometimes did when I lied
    “You poor dear! What's your name?”
    “Glass Spires,” I told her, using the rather generic name of a herd member from my time with
    the gucci twirl watch Bear

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